To You

The beautiful sky
makes me what to fly.
I want to touch the clouds
and gets the stars and be proud.
I see the sky so blue
and I am wondering where are you.


I want to offer you the stars, the clouds.
I want to see your smile.
That I haven’t seen in a while
I want to hear you laugh out loud.


The cold wind makes me shiver.
It reminds me of your warm embrace;
the warmth of your love, what a grace.
The twinkling stars in the sky are like your pretty eyes.
The winds song is like your astonishing voice.
Your voice, it’s a beautiful music that I’ve long to hear.
Your arms, it is where I feel safe.


I have been longing for you in this depth of loneliness.
I want to fly like an eagle, strong and free.
I want to cross the ocean and be with you.
In this midst of despair I seek for an arm to lean on.
I have been waiting for you to come
so that this pain would be gone
and to fill this emptiness.

My Agony

It has been a while since I updated this blog. I have wanted to post new poems however; it wasn't easy for me to do so. Lot of things is going in and out in my mind these days. I am not sure how and when it started, maybe...long time ago.

Since I was a kid I have live up in a totally different world to others. I don't know how but I can just feel it. I have this feeling that I am so different from them. I have this feeling that I am living in a different persona. Everyone around me sees me as one of them. They don't see me differently. I just don't why. I sometimes wonder if I am exerting a different aura. People just entrust me such big responsibilities that I am not used to. They are expecting a leader that has the capability to lead people. But those are all false. I don’t even see my self as a worthy individual but why is it that others see me differently. It’s kind of frustrating. Isn’t it too much?

People around me is expecting too much from me. Living up in the world full of pressures and expectations is not that easy. Ever since I was a kid, I have accepted this pressures and expectations, full of willingness; accepting it as a challenge. I live up according to everyone’s expectations.

Carrying the pressures and expectations in my shoulders doesn’t seem like a problem at all. But however, without me knowing that day by day their expectations had become a burden on my part. I did not expect that their will be one day that I would break their expectations. Trying my very best to live it up until I become frustrated to it and it has become my greatest weakness.

Doesn’t everyone have its choice? It is either you live according to their expectations or not. It is a choice. However, I chose to live up according to the expectations because I wanted them to be happy. Is it really the real reason? Many would say no while other would say yes. Maybe it is a yes, maybe it is a no. But on the other hand, it is what it is. I have made my decision. I thought I won’t regret it one day but the day has come that I feel like I regretted my decision. Pressures and expectations are starting to become so heavy on my part. Day by day it’s becoming so difficult on my part. It’s even hard to breath. It’s suffocating. It’s frustrating. It’s tiring. I am already tired of it.

Each day I am trying to revive the reasons why I made this decision. Each day I am trying to remember the reasons of living. But however, it is always blurred. I can’t see it clearly. I can’t remember it at all. It is really frustrating. Every night I cry out of frustrations and trying to find a way to survive is my world full of pressure.

In the night I cry but during the day with all my friends I smile, I laugh. I sometimes wonder if they could see the lonely side of me. I have been waiting and looking for someone who could see it. I have been searching for that someone. I keep on asking myself, Where are you? Can you feel my loneliness? When are you coming? Can you hear my voice calling you? I am waiting…I am just waiting for the light in this world of dark clouds.

At My Window

I stand by the window; I could feel the cold wind
As it touches my delicate skin.
I shivered; it’s cold like my heart.
I look at the sky; like me, it’s lonely, sad.
The tears are falling, not from my eyes; from the clouds.
Yes, the sky is crying; it cried for me.
It must have felt my loneliness.
It must have felt my sorrows, my sadness.

In the window while looking at the sky
I asked my self why I feel so lonely.
I don’t know why I felt so empty.
I don’t know; I want to cry.
I must have missed something.
Right, something is missing.
A part of me is lost.
I can’t find it and I don’t know what it is.

From the window, I could see people walked by.
I wonder if they could feel my loneliness.
It seems that they don’t.
Yes, they can’t feel my loneliness, my sadness.
Are they numb? Or am I just different?
Ah, I could see they are happy, unlike me.
Their eyes are smiling, laughing.
I wonder if I’ll be able to smile like them.
I wonder if I’ll be able to laugh out loud.
I wonder if the sun will come smiling at me after the rain.
I wonder, just wondering, if it will.

Me and My God

I may be stupid
I may be an ugly duckling
I may be as thin as broom stick
But yet I have a big heart.

I may be simple
I may not be as intelligent as others
But yet I’m capable of doing everything.

Don’t judge me from what you see
Because you don’t know who’s me inside
I may not be perfect as a human
But I am made by perfect hands;
His hands, God’s Almighty hands.

I may be passive
I may be quiet
I may be secretive
But in Him I am different
In Him I am impulsive.

Please don’t judge me from what you hear;
Don’t judge me from what you see.
Don’t judge me from what you feel
Because you don’t know me well.

In Him I am everything;
In Him I am something.
In Him I am a precious gem
Because His love made me
In which you now mingle.

My Memoirs

As I look at the morning sky,
I’m overwhelmed in its beauty.
It’s so calm, so blue.
It’s smiling, inviting me.

The blue sky reminds me of you.
Now, I wonder where you are.
I remembered the times we’re together.
Oh, how I wish I could turn back time.
To feel again your sweet caress
Like the wind coming from the east.

To feel your embrace,
So warm like the sun
I wanted to return in the past.
To offer you the sun and the clouds;
To hear you laugh out loud.

When the night comes embracing the sun
I could see, like your eyes, the stars are twinkling.
I could hear, like your voice, the wind is singing.

Oh, how I wish that I could fly.
Oh, how I wish I could touch the sky;
To touch the clouds,
Get the stars and be proud.

Ah, I could still remember
The feeling when I hear your voice, your laughter.
It’s like music in my ear.
Remembering the past, remembering you,
It makes me feel like crying;
Tears are starting to fall,
Wondering why you leaved me, why you’re gone.

Is It A Goodbye?

That night...

It was the night that I'll never forget

And I hope that I won't regret it.

It was the night that I'm going to hear

The thing that I always fear.

Though, I want to hear the truth even if it brings me pain;

Even if it means the end.

In the morning...

When I woke up, I'm still hurting.

When I see my pillow, it reminds me the pain

And my heart aches when I see the tear stain.

I don't know if I could still smile today

For happiness seems blurred and far away.

When my heart starts to ache I just look at the world.

I could see the trees waving me hello.

Then, I look at the sky and I see the smiling sun

As if telling me that everything is fine.

The cold wind's embracing makes me shiver

And it makes me feel better.

As I walked in the road it's telling me that it's alright;

Reminding me that I'm still alive.

I saw my friends and I could hear their laughter.

When I hear their voices, I feel relieved after.

Friends are great for they make me forget

But when I'm alone the pain returns.

But. I realized that compared to last time, I'm dany fine.

For I'm already starting to accept that you'll never be mine.

Honestly, I'm still not sure if it's the end.

Because you promised that I still have you as a friend.

Inspiration

In the heaven's lonely night
You came and hold me tight
You took away these loneliness
And filled my heart's emptiness.

In this lonely world
Music books were fold
But you came and strummed the guitar;
Played a music sweet as a nectar.

Day after day I see
The smile of yours so friendly
That made my day complete
And gave me reason to breathe.

Yes, my heart was broken before
And the pieces were thrown in the shore
You came and fetch it like a fisherman;
Put it together like a new one.

I admit my heart was hard as an ice;
Slowly you melt it with the fire in your eyes.
Now, I can't deny my heart's desire
Wishing that forever together, you and I.